We humans are powerful creators – every moment of our lives, whether or not we are aware of it, we are creating the next moment. Universal law states that like attracts like – what we dwell on is manifested in our life.
I am grieving. I am mourning the loss of my life as I once knew it. This is both scary and exciting. Beyond the grief of loss there is a yearning for the vast beautiful universe of Home. This is the dance of the dark night of the Soul and emotional freedom is realized when we embrace the darkness. My heart remembers and my Soul longs to dance free.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
Rumi
Months ago I dreamed I was having a conversation about life. I don’t know who I was speaking with but it was comforting. The message from the dream was that I wouldn’t be here after the end of the year.
I didn’t think a lot about that but I didn’t slough it off either. I was curious. Was this an omen, was I dying? The new year arrived with its usual fanfare and I was still here. Interesting.
Weeks later, I got sick and several weeks after that, I lost my job. In what seemed to be an instant, my whole world changed. Was this the predicted death? At 75, was I shedding the old to give birth to something new?
Our physical body reflects our emotional state. In the months preceding this illness, life had become extremely stressful. I felt as though I was drowning in the emotional pain of that stress. I also thought I was dealing with it, after all I had all the tools: body-awareness meditation, breath work and self-inquiry journaling. However, my body knew different. I was out of balance. I wasn’t ignoring the stress, I was indulging it.
Now that I have had time to sit in the fire of loss, I realize that my focus has been on fear. I was afraid of rejection, afraid I wasn’t good enough, afraid I’d get fired. That fear was what the universe heard and, true to the universal law of attraction, gave me more of the same.
What I have since come to understand is that I was so immersed in fear that what I wanted – to be free from suffering, free from the chains of the past – was not available. Why? Because somewhere deep inside I did not believe I was worthy and my focus was on that, not of the endless possibilities of a life free from suffering.
My body responded in a very intense and dramatic way. The result of the physical condition left me unable to perform my job and I was fired.
Facing Fear
Fear is big, overwhelming and intimidating. It is a trauma response. Our emotional body and nervous system is completely out of whack and our response is knee-jerk. That level of reactivity does not serve us. We move from fear because we don’t know any other way. We move from fear because we do not trust.
Yes, the life I knew was over so now what?
Love. The yearning I have is in response to my awakening and remembering who I am, who we all are. The grief is from knowing that love really is all there is – it is everything. And that fear is our moving away from our true nature, Love.
In her poem, Love Awaits You There*, Chelan Harken writes:
We forget to notice love because of its perfect loyalty …
The takeaway here is simple. We are Love. It is the message the great spiritual teachers throughout time have touted. When the crap of life hits, don’t turn away from Love. Instead, rely on Love to get through the discomfort and pain. The invitation is always to work through the layers of conditioning and to return to Truth, to remember there is only Love.
Love is not a passive state. It is an active force, it is the force of the Soul.
Gary Zukav
How do we return to love?
It is helpful to understand that dwelling in fear is merely a habit and as such, can be changed. It may take time and it most definitely requires courage as well as a strong, unflinching desire to free ourselves from the chains of the past.
Are you ready to commit to a life free from suffering?
I recommend a daily practice of awareness:
- Breathe work – balances and calms the nervous system (https://www.leebyrdmystic.com/breath-work-beginner-embodiment-exercise/)
- Body awareness meditation – helps us to be grounded in the present moment (https://www.leebyrdmystic.com/about/meditation/body-awareness-meditation-practice-noticing-sensations/)
- Self-Inquire journaling – reflecting on the story and uncovering what is really going on (https://www.leebyrdmystic.com/2023/06/30/self-inquiry-journaling/)
A couple of useful things to keep in mind:
- Pain is inevitable, it is a part of the human experience. But suffering is always optional.
- Our reaction to any situation has nothing to do with that situation.
- Emotions are not bad or good.
- Reactivity arises because something within is asking to be recognized and healed.
Allow the fires of transformation to burn away all that doesn’t serve you.
Heather Ash Amara
*Harkin, C. Susceptible To Light, 2020. Self published. https://chelanharkin.com/
Thank you. This blog was very insightful.
Thanks, Kelli. I hope my grand adventures through this life are helpful. Big love!