You Are Perfect Just the Way You Are!
Part of my job while working front desk at a chiropractic office was entering data into patient ledgers and keeping their accounts up to date. One day I was struggling with one account that I could not get to balance. The truth is it was a minor issue and I could have left it alone and let the billing department figure it out. But once I started working on it, I got totally sucked in and found it impossible to walk away. I was possessed, I needed it to be perfect. I needed to be perfect. And yet somewhere inside I knew that was not going to happen, at least not at that time.
Pretty, pretty, please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Pink
Like you’re less than f*ckin’ perfect
Still I sat pounding away at the keyboard, straining my eyes, unconsciously demanding that they see something that simply wasn’t there. The whole time I was muttering anxiously under my breath, each moment my frustration level rising exponentially. This frustration was not about the unsolvable issue I was so hopelessly struggling with, oh, no! It was about my stubborn inability or unwillingness to simply let it go. Why couldn’t I just walk away? Because I needed to be perfect.
“WOW!” I finally professed out loud, “I am really OCD!” There was less than a moment’s pause before one of my coworkers burst out laughing saying, “Yes, Lee, you are indeed!”
I was stunned. And a tad bit stung. Feelings of humiliation and embarrassment rose quickly up to my throat. My head began to pound. My Ego had been sorely bruised.
Why Was This So Difficult?
The comment, not meant to hurt, pressed that vulnerable, fragile place within, the story screaming in my ear, Not good enough! Not good enough! Not good enough! I froze, shaking hands paused on the keyboard, eyes staring blankly at the computer screen, the little cursor blinking, blinking, blinking, impatiently waiting for my next move. A small knot formed at the back of my throat, my stomach lurched and tears hovered nearby waiting for my cue. My Tasmanian Devil reared her lovely, sweet, undeniably ugly head, chomping at the bit, ready to take charge. And at the very same moment I heard the Teacher within whisper tenderly to my heart, “Breathe, just breathe. Nothing to do.”
In the egoic state, your sense of self, your identity, is derived from your thinking mind – in other words, what your mind tells you about yourself: the storyline of you, the memories, the expectations, all the thoughts that go through your head continuously and the emotions that reflect those thoughts. All those things make up your sense of self.
Eckhart Tolle
What seemed like many long drawn out minutes (“I was busy, really busy, way too busy for this,” my sweet Tasmanian friend cried), was only a moment or two, no one even noticed this tiny pause. I took a long deep breath and sighed, recognizing that, as Eckhart Tolle says, past was present. Then I heard myself laugh, giggle actually, out loud at what was so obvious—and strangely okay—to my coworkers and yet news to me: I am a tad OCD and at the same time, good enough.
My Mistakes Don’t Define Me
Mistakes happen, it’s a part of life. But those mistakes are not me, they do not define who I am. To think or say that, for any reason, anyone is not good enough just the way they are is a lie.
For me this programming happened when I was very young. I made mistakes, lots of them. And sometimes I got in trouble for these mistakes. When I was reprimanded for doing it wrong I thought it meant I was bad. So naturally I started believing that if I could just get perfect, whatever that meant, I’d be ok. I thought that doing it right, getting it perfect meant I’d be perfect. And perfect was my key to the kingdom. Not only would the adults around me–parents, grandparents, teachers, etc.–like and possibly love me, but so would God.
Here is the truth that I finally surrendered to: NOTHING has to be different. Why? Because we are all beautiful Divine Beings, perfect just the way we are. I say that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, to do because you, we, already are enough!
I didn’t get here overnight. It has taken time and energy and a commitment to emotional freedom. I had to roll up my sleeves and go to work, finding the courage to move through the layers of conditioning and programming.
Four Easy Steps to Releasing the Story of Not Good Enough
The following steps are what I use daily to help me stay grounded in the present moment. Why is that important? Because this moment is all there is. We cannot change the past but we can decide how we feel about it in this moment. Each of us possess the innate ability to free ourselves from the chains of the past.
These steps are designed to help us to recognize the thoughts that keep us in this not good enough story. By recognizing what we think (and believing these thoughts are not in our control) we allow ourselves to begin to reprogram our brain and embrace the truth: we are now and always have been, good enough.
1. Get Quiet and Breathe
Whenever I begin to feel agitated or fearful, I know that stopping and taking a few deep, intentional breaths will help me to relax. Nothing special is required. This allows my nervous system and emotional body to come into balance giving me clarity and inner peace, providing the opportunity to stay grounded. Only from this place of quiet can I make decisions to empower myself.
Breathing in, there is only the present moment. Breathing out, it is a wonderful moment.
Thich Nhat Hanh
Take a minute or two several times a day (and most especially upon waking and before sleep), to just bring your awareness to your breath.
2. Practice Body Awareness
Body awareness anchors us in the present moment and trains the mind to be gently aware of what is going on within our nervous system and emotional body. We can ask, ‘Am I at rest? or Am I in reactivity? Am I here now, present? or Am I in the past or in the future?’ And always, the body knows often before we do.
Peace, even in difficult times, is always possible.
Lee Byrd
3. Acceptance: Start Where You Are
But there is great power in acknowledging its existence.
We cannot change what we are unaware of. Acceptance is the practice of coming to rest within. It enables us to step out of judgment and gives us the space needed to be with whatever is here.
Universal law states that we do not change what we resist. Resistance to anything brings more of the same.
4. Action: Self-Inquiry Journaling
The Self-Inquiry is a beautiful process where we begin to reflect on what is going on.
Breathwork, and awareness and acceptance to what is here now, set the foundation for exploring where these old useless thought patterns came from. This is the emotional work of discovering and releasing. Although we are powerless to change the past, we are and always have been powerful creators–we can create a new now.
Dream a Different Dream, Create the Life You Want.
My condition is common and although for me it is not a mental illness, for many, OCD is an extremely severe and sometimes debilitating fact of life, and I don’t want to make light of that. For me, it is a direct result of my childhood when, like many, I was not in control. I made up the story that if only I could be perfect, I would be loved. Oddly enough, these stories are a way of coping. They offered a certain comfort and justification. Today these ways of coping no longer serve me.
I had a teacher that told us students that if we could find the courage to sit in the fire, there would be great freedom. I didn’t know how that could be possible, but I trusted her and did my work. Freedom is at long last, mine.
Under the obsessive thoughts and plans, under the emotions, positive and negative, there is an ocean of Peace.
Gangaji
This process takes great courage and a strong willingness to prioritize Freedom. But this work brings great rewards, it has the power to transform, to free us from the shackles of our past.
Resources
Breath Work: https://www.leebyrdmystic.com/breath-work-beginner-embodiment-exercise/
Body Awareness Meditation: https://www.leebyrdmystic.com/about/meditation/body-awareness-meditation-practice-noticing-sensations/
Self-Inquiry Journaling: https://www.leebyrdmystic.com/self-inquiry-journaling/
Suggested Daily Practice (upon waking and before sleep):
- Sit or lie comfortably
- Three or more rounds of conscious breathing – breathe into the diaphragm, hold for a moment, release slowly
- Bring your awareness to your immediate environment
- Notice the colors, textures, objects.
- How does the air feel touching your skin?
- What sounds do you hear?
- Can you hear your heartbeat?
- What do you smell?
- Close your eyes or soften your gaze and bring your awareness into your physical body. Breathe.
- Start at your feet and slowly work your way up to the top of your head.
- Notice the physical sensations. Nothing to do, just a gentle awareness of what is present in your body.
- Open your eyes and look around your environment once more.
- Breathe.
Take out your journal and write about this experience. Here are a few thoughts to ponder:
- Did the breath exercise help? What are your thoughts about this way of calming the nervous system?
- What came up when you did the body-awareness scan?
- Take time now to write out in detail a new story. Make sure you include how you feel physically and emotionally.
- Create an action plan. Start with small, easy to do things such as putting up sticky-note reminders that you are Ok just the way you are. Pick one thing that you can do every day to make a more positive, supportive impact on you.