Do an internet search on “self-care,” and you’ll find an endless assortment of beautiful ways to care for yourself. Some suggest massages, hot bubble baths, a cup of tea, and a long nap. Many discuss the meaning of self-care and how-to. My suggestions include slow, meditative movement, breathwork, meditation, and journaling.
Why is self-care important?
Consider, for a moment, the Monarch butterfly:
Monarch butterflies will not attempt to fly in the rain because the raindrops will damage their wings. They will rest and wait it out. It’s self-preservation. It’s okay to rest during the storms in your life. Take all the time you need. You will fly again once the storm passes.
~Sharyn March
The butterfly knows not to fly when it rains, which is the ultimate example of self-care. Non-human beings intuitively know what to do to care for themselves and preserve their lives. The plant world knows when to drop its leaves and settle in for a nap. Animals know how to retreat to take care of themselves. Animals and plants respect life in all its phases without resistance.
Many years ago, my husband, Craig, experienced a deep vein thrombosis, which eventually caused congestive heart failure. We lived in the high desert of the Uncompahgre plateau of western Colorado. The elevation of 5,500 feet made his breathing difficult. Ultimately, we had to make some strategic life changes, which included selling our Colorado home and moving to a lower elevation. This diagnosis was stressful, as was uprooting and relocating ourselves. But I did it by putting one foot in front of the other—tiny baby steps, as they say.
The fear of losing Craig was more prominent and louder than any other emotion. Perhaps it was denial of the seriousness of his illness or my overloaded nervous system, but I didn’t recognize the stress. All I felt was paralyzed by fear. The storm clouds were gathering.
Breaking Apart
After my dear husband’s death, friends and family urged me to take care of myself. I practiced yoga several times a week and walked the dog daily. I admit I blew off meditation from time to time, opting instead for a glass of wine and watching some mindless television show. When I did take time to meditate, my emotions were so raw that the experience was overwhelming. I was tired of crying, enduring the pain and constantly feeling like I was breaking apart.
And in truth, I was breaking apart. The old me was dying.
Every day, almost like an automaton, I’d wake up and do what needed to be done: feed the cats, walk the dog, pay the bills, go to the market, and go to work. These mind-numbing mundane tasks helped me feel safe from the rain. But I really wasn’t. I didn’t realize it then, but I was dancing with disaster. A storm was brewing.
Then, the storm arrived with winds, hail and lightning as a debilitating health crisis—my wake-up call. My heart, soul, and beautiful body had been trying to get my attention for months, maybe years, telling me to get out of the storm and rest because I was in danger of ruining my wings.
Even though I was doing all the prescribed self-care work—breathwork, movement, and meditation—I was not fully living my truth. It was as if I was standing outside my life and looking in. I knew what to do, but sometimes, I simply opted to numb out rather than feel those uncomfortable emotions.
I see now that rather than finding peaceful rest from the storm, I was avoiding these difficult feelings of grief, stress, frustration and anger, because I was still hung up on the lie that I wasn’t good enough. Clearly, I wasn’t worthy of healing, of feeling good or enjoying my life on my own. The storm was raging, all I felt was the pain.
In this crisis, I reached a point where I had to decide what I wanted and what was important. Did I want to continue believing that I wasn’t good enough, and didn’t deserve to feel good and enjoy life? Really? Because I knew better. In my heart, I knew the truth: I was indeed good enough. So, what then? Did I want to continue denying my truth, or did I want to heal myself?
Using the Tools to Choose
We get to decide how we want to use this beautiful, precious life we’ve been given. There’s no judgment of right or wrong or good or bad. But if the messages from our bodies, mind and spirit are ignored, like mine were, our body, mind and spirit will speak louder, and if we don’t listen, we can get ill and we just might damage our wings.
I have metamorphosed into the new me. I choose to live fully and passionately. Self-care has become a priority, because I am worthy of a stress-free life and of feeling good. I want to enjoy life. I am worthy of a life of emotional freedom.
Today, I practice slow, meditative movement, breathwork, meditation, and journaling. I use essential oils to engage my senses, candles to focus my attention and music to create a mindful atmosphere. I listen to inspiring speakers, read works devoted to spirituality, and participate in a weekly meditation group. And I write my heart out in articles like this one and in my new book.
I know I am the only one who can make this happen. My heart and soul told me to honor this precious life and come to rest by stepping out of the storm. Like all of us, I have the innate knowledge and the tools. I simply have to use them in my practice. I have to rest and wait it out when my life gets stressful.
Are you living in the storm? Do you have the courage to step out of the rain and rest?