She was shampooing the carpet, and I needed to move my things out of the way. I was in my stocking feet, and guess what? My socks got wet. Dah!
YUCK!
I gathered up my things, removed my socks, and quietly left. Once safely back in my space, I put the wet socks in the laundry basket and found lovely, clean, and, yes, dry ones to put on. I felt safe again.
As I see it, at this point, I had a few choices as to how to proceed:
- Just let it go; it’s no big deal. Yeah, that’s probably not gonna happen, not on my watch. I know I’m triggered; just letting it go would be denial. I’d stuff these feelings away so they could fester and come out at another time with a vengeance, more snarkier than now. I’ve learned the hard way that this just won’t help.
- I could throw a royal temper tantrum; I’m really good at that. I could scream, cry, and blame (who doesn’t like to blame?). She should have told me she was gonna shampoo the carpet and I’d have gotten my things out of the way before the carpet was soaked. Or, she could have moved my things. Both would have resulted in my socks staying dry. Hum! Seems almost reasonable.
- I could turn this back on myself, beating myself up for leaving my things carelessly strewn about. I could get some really good mileage out of this; I excel at putting myself down, it’s kind of my thing.
- Another solution would be to retreat to my space, put on clean, dry socks, and sit down and process my feelings. Yes, annoyance was here. Why? I ask myself. And I cannot find any justification. She works hard to keep our home clean; it’s her obsession. And I’ve known this about her for many years.
I have much experience with options 1, 2, and 3. I’ve been there, done that, and somehow, survived to tell the tale. These first three options simply do not work—not then, not now, not ever!
The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.
Nathaniel Branden
I prefer number 4, but with one small tweak. Rather than trying to justify my annoyance, I find it more beneficial to allow and accept the feeling. Yes, I was slightly annoyed. It always comes back to not feeling good enough when I get down to the why.
Justification: I made a mistake leaving my things strewn about. It wasn’t intentional. I was working and honestly didn’t expect that she’d be shampooing the rug. I’d taken a break and when I returned, she was shampooing.
Does justifying help? Not really.
All there was to do was to pick up my things and get out of the way. She wasn’t angry or even slightly annoyed. That was me, all me. It was an innocent act on both our parts. No harm, no foul. Game over.