Finding the real beauty and truth about yourself.
In the early 1990s, I attended an eight-week training course at the Option Institute in Sheffield, MA. I was actively seeking to solidify more happiness in my life.
After reading Barry Neil Kauffman’s book, Happiness Is a Choice, I was drawn to working with him.
The program was intense. Every day, we attended lectures and were assigned partners to practice the teachings and techniques. They also provided experiential learning through various exercises, including mucking the pond.
We’re talking about the muck that results from dead and decaying plants and other organics, such as animal waste. Over time, the dead weeds, twigs, and grasses rot and lay dormant in the pond’s bottom soil.
I was ready to return to my room, shower, pack my bags, and go home, even if I had to hitchhike! I thought, “I paid good money for this program, and they had me do what? Muck the pond!?”
In the Muck of It
This was my first and only experience of wading into the muck. I removed my shoes and walked into the small pond with the others in the group, immediately sinking into the ankle-deep muck. The slimy black goo oozed between my toes and emitted a gross, putrid stench — nose-wrenchingly worse than that of rotten eggs.
Mucking the pond entailed raking through the offensive goo. Allowing the pond to aerate encourages new growth and keeps it healthy. This was our task.
It was tedious and physically demanding. I didn’t realize the emotional toll until the next day during our group meeting. That session allowed everyone to voice their disgust and anger, and boy, were we ever angry. Most of us felt used, even abused. Strangely enough, this delighted the teacher.
The mucking exercise was meant to trigger these emotions. It was also meant to be an extreme example of how unresolved emotions become thick, oozy, stinky muck, blocking the flow of positive-feel-good energy in our lives. Muck happens when we do not pay attention and care for ourselves.
My feelings of not being respected, seen, heard, or good enough came screaming to the surface. This was one of the first times I encountered the muck that defined my emotional life.
Just as in mucking the pond, raking the accumulated muck in my personal life promised a healthier emotional life. But, raking through the muck would most likely get stinky as I stomped around in the ooze of my past. I honestly didn’t know if I had the stomach for that.
The Next Level
I called my dearest love, my husband, Craig, my greatest supporter, who had urged me to enroll in this program. Through buckets of tears and a box of tissues, I shared all the messy, gooey details.
I ended my long-winded rant by saying I didn’t think I dared to follow through with this training course. As always, he listened carefully. He reminded me of how much I’d already accomplished and what great guts and courage that took.
“This is the next level,” he said.
His kind and loving words were reassuring and comforting. I decided to stay and am so so very grateful that I did.
If the pond is cleaned and cared for regularly, the muck is minimized and easier to manage. However, poor or neglected regular maintenance results in messy, often gross, and smelly situations.
The same is true for our emotional life. We design our own life by putting in the work and caring for ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally. Our inner pond stays free of muck and debris, offering a beautiful, rich inner landscape.
Raking the muck creates a beautiful, eco-friendly pond. Raking the inner muck in our lives creates a beautiful, emotionally healthy life.
Putting In the Work
Once you go inside and weed through the muck, you will find the real beauty, the truth about yourself.
Lindsay Wagner
Working on ourselves to clear past emotionally wrought issues, the muck means giving up denial, facing our feelings, and working through them to come to peace. It means becoming aware of what we feel at any moment and working towards accepting those feelings.
Accepting doesn’t mean they are okay; it is simply a recognition of how we feel right this moment. From this place, we start working to free ourselves from old, mucky, painful, stinky emotions that have held us hostage.
I suggest self-inquiry journaling. This simple process will help you to identify unresolved emotions you are carrying around and start the process of healing.