Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It’s not ‘I love you’ for this or that reason, not ‘I love you if you love me.’ it’s love for no reason, love without an object.
Ram Dass
Oh, this dance, this beautiful delicate dance between love and intimacy. Why is it such a challenge for so many of us?
For some the challenge might be a matter of protection especially if we have suffered a broken heart. When heartbreak arises in the dance of love and intimacy, we are faced with two basic choices–heal or turn away from love. Remember, healing our wounded heart is always within our ability. Healing ourselves may take time and it certainly will take a commitment to loving ourselves first and foremost, possibly the greatest challenge of love and intimacy.
Or maybe the challenge is a matter of understanding what intimacy really is.
Intimacy simply means closeness, it infers a certain level of trust and comfort with ourselves and others. Love and intimacy go hand-in-hand and are not necessarily sexual. Intimacy is part of love whether that is love of our partner or children or close friends—even ourselves.
Intimacy can be expressed through touch but it is far more than just physical. There is a closeness with the Divine part of ourselves that can be found in the mundane: walking the dog, chatting with friends, caring for children, shopping for food, preparing meals, doing the dishes. Intimacy’s closeness between two people is found in the extraordinary touch of love making. Intimacy is personal and is a sacred part of loving oneself and loving another.
Generating Compassion
Compassion is mindfully recognizing and accepting how we feel emotionally, creating a connection with the Divine within us. This spiritual foundation forms the bedrock of all spiritual growth. Compassion is an essential component in all relationships, including the relationship with ourselves.
When we can generate understanding and compassion in our way of being and working together, everyone we interact with feels that energy right away and is able to profit from it.
Thich Nhat Hanh
Compassion enables us to live a life of integrity and authenticity, giving us the strength and courage to accept, love and appreciate ourselves and our journey. Self Love, a personal kind of intimacy, is essential if we are to fully love others.
As a vital part of self-care and self-love, compassion forms a key element in intimacy. Self-compassion strengthens our sense of self worth allowing us to more easily navigate the sometimes murky waters of relationships. Often, self-compassion gives rise to clarity. Decisions made from the heart of compassion are genuine and can be trusted to serve our higher interest.
Realizing and Embracing Intimacy
The first step is always to honor yourself and your journey. This means becoming aware of the judgments you harbor and work towards releasing them. And most importantly, trust yourself—intimacy is built on trust.
Ask yourself: What am I afraid of? Am I insulating myself from pain, thereby insulating myself from love as well?
The deeper you dig, the more barriers to love and intimacy you uncover. Be tender with yourself here, you may have been schlepping these barriers around for years. But know that you hold the only key to releasing them.
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~Rumi
As we work to uncover these barriers and to heal our wounds, it is imperative that we remain in our heart. Compassion is not about pointing out our mistakes, it is about forgiveness and trust and loving ourselves unconditionally.
Consider taking out your journal and writing about love and intimacy. How do you define love? Intimacy? Compassion? What are your barriers and are you willing to release them?
Once we start truly loving ourselves unconditionally, we begin to notice that intimacy is a natural part of life. Just as we cannot fully love others if we don’t love ourselves, we cannot extend real intimacy to others if we don’t feel and acknowledge intimacy within ourselves first.
Go For It: Love On Yourself!