Our habit is to run from emotional pain, yet freedom lies within meeting and exploring that pain. The feelings and emotions that naturally arise from our pain are not good or bad, right or wrong. Although sometimes uncomfortable, emotionally painful struggles are messages from our soul, our higher self, that indicate where we could use some healing.
We all have wounds. Some wounds are generational, handed down from our ancestors, their memories stored in the cells of our body. Some wounds happen as a result of our life experiences. We may not be responsible for the pain the wounds cause, but we are responsible for healing.
I worked for many years with Neelam, a teacher who continually invited us into the fire of transformation. She challenged her students to consistently take responsibility for their feelings.
Four Basic Facts About Emotional Freedom
These facts cannot be proven, they can only be experienced.
- The present moment is all we have, it is all there is. The past is gone and the future has yet to come.
- The thing we humans want more than anything else is to simply be here in this moment with whatever is happening, whether it is something joyful or something challenging.
- It is completely, 100% possible for any of us to come back to and experience inner peace and calm at any moment, even during a painful experience. I don’t mean after the pain has subsided, I mean during the pain.
- We are powerful creators, our future, everything past this moment, we have called in with every thought and emotion we experience in the present.
Let me be clear here: life happens and sometimes these life events suck. Loved ones leave, friends turn their backs on us, death claims a dear one. We humans are subjected to a long list of hurt. I am not implying that we should numb out and deny our feelings—quite the opposite. These hurts are the fire, and I am saying freedom lies within experiencing that fire.
Finding the courage to feel the pain physically and emotionally will bring us the strength to step away from suffering. From here we experience the world in a whole new way, a feeling of emotional freedom.
Healing Happens In the Present
Recently a friend—I’ll call her Mary for the sake of privacy—shared a story about an argument she had with a long time friend of hers. She told me all the details, all the “she said/I said” comments. The friend walked out and has since refused to return Mary’s calls and text messages—her apologies and pleas of wanting to talk. Mary felt angry, sad, betrayed and confused.
This was not the first time Mary and I spoke about similar scenarios, this was a familiar pattern for her.
The first thing I did was to allow her to spew the story, every tiny detail. I encouraged her to tell me how she felt. I asked, “How did it feel when your friend told you that you were wrong and she was tired of your complaining?”
“Hurt, angry!” May replied.
“Tell me about that hurt and anger,” I prompted.
We continued, taking each piece of her story apart and exploring her emotions. This allowed Mary to get the feelings out without the fear of being judged or the pressure of my giving her advice as to what she should do.
After exploring each of her emotions in a safe space, I asked Mary what she wanted from this relationship. Without hesitation she said, “I want to be heard. I want my opinion to be respected even though my friend disagreed with me.”
“Beautiful,” I said. Mary was getting to the core of her issue. My next question was, “Why? Why do you, Mary, want to be heard and respected?”
She paused for a few minutes then said, “I want to know that I am okay just the way I am, I want to feel validated.”
Bingo.
My homework for Mary was to list all the ways she does not validate, listen to and respect herself.
Why was this helpful? Because this exercise gave Mary back her power. As long as she was willing to allow another person, even a long time friend that she truly loved, to control how she feels about herself, she would remain powerless. By truly realizing that no one, not one single person, has the power to hurt her, she began healing those long time wounds that said she was unworthy of love and close friendships.
Healing can only happen in the present moment. After Mary told her tale, my task was to lovingly and gently bring her into this moment and to create sacred space for her to work through the trauma of her past one layer at a time.
In order to do this, she had to give up the illusion that her unhappiness was caused by the actions and words of others. She wanted desperately to just be okay, but she was waiting for the external world to shift before she could feel good about herself and feel genuine happiness from within.
During our time together she experienced both the pain of this argument and all the unresolved issues it triggered within her, and at the very same time she was able to experience the spaciousness of being at peace with the pain. Of course she hurt, someone she trusted said and did some very unkind things. No one deserves that. Mary found the courage to meet and sit in the fire of that pain.
One Issue at a Time
This kind of inquiry is a process. I have personally experienced profound moments of realizing that I could withstand this kind of pain, because I knew the next step was the true taste of emotional freedom.
Our ability to be present with any and every emotional state is innate, it is our birthright. The memories of our unresolved issues that get triggered in moments like Mary experienced are stored in the cells of our body, and we have the ability to release them.
This is what healing is, letting go of the past. And by letting go, we create a new future for ourselves, a future filled with hope and faith and an acute awareness of who we are: both Human and Divine Beings.
Coming to this place of acceptance may take time, and it clearly takes courage and determination to sit in the fire like Mary did. This process is much like changing any habit that no longer serves us. Mary may take some time to fully embody her new awareness, yet she has the ability to do so whenever she wants.
In 12 Step Programs, the mantra is One Day at a Time. Working toward emotional freedom, I suggest working on one issue at a time.
This is what I offer you. Are you ready to let go of all the suffering and live your life free to feel good and enjoy life?
The above story is an example of the Inquiry Process that I offer to help others. If you’d like to schedule a session with me, click here:
A Practical Practice
Breath work helps calm and balance our nervous system strengthening our ability to be present with the pain. https://www.leebyrdmystic.com/breath-work-beginner-embodiment-exercise/
Body awareness meditation–becoming aware of how how body feels allows us to know when we are moving into reactivity. https://www.leebyrdmystic.com/about/meditation/body-awareness-meditation-practice-noticing-sensations/
Self-inquiry journaling–this is a gentle journaling exercise that can point to those thoughts and patterns that keep us chained to the past. https://www.leebyrdmystic.com/self-inquiry-journaling/