Learning to pace ourselves to increase our strength and stamina
Your antlers reach for the sun.
Jamie Sams & David Carson
Show me that strength
and stamina are one
Stress is deadly. It is insidious and so common that we aren’t always aware of its presence in our lives. Our western culture has seemingly normalized stress. In fact I’ve heard people speak of their stress as if it were a badge of honor, proof that they are serious about their work and their lives.
On February 23, 2023 my world as I knew it came to a screeching halt. I resisted. I cried. I screamed. I blamed. It took me weeks to surrender to what was happening and even longer to pull myself out of the pit of pity and on to the task of reconstructing my life.
I could not get out of bed. My limbs would not work. I could not move.
Slowly I began to see this falling apart first as an opportunity to create a new and different life for myself. Over time that feeling gave way to a deep sense of gratitude for the gift this loss offered.
The Enormity of Loss
In the beginning, as I lay there, I felt overwhelmed by the enormity of so many losses: job, income, community, independence, health. Most days I felt like I was drowning in the muck that had become my life. I was in unfamiliar territory, navigating everyday tasks became nightmarish. As I struggled to get my mobility back, all I wanted to do was to go back to bed, pull the covers over my head and give up. Many mornings I woke up, unable to bear the pain in my joints, begging to die.
But close friends and family wouldn’t support that idea. Their tender loving support held me up when I couldn’t do it myself.
A friend is someone who helps you up when you are down, and if they can’t, they lay down beside you and listen.
Winnie the Pooh
That morning I was unable to move because my body was swollen and wracked with pain. My knees were the size of small cantaloupes and my low back was locked up. Movement was excruciating. I waited for my daughter to come into my room and help me to at least sit up. Then it was off to the emergency room for help.
I was terrified, I’d never experienced anything remotely like this before. The doctors came in, ordered pain medication immediately and set about to drain my knees. After testing the fluid I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. They gave me prescriptions and sent me home. I hurt and felt very insecure and scared, not sure how I got through that day, but for the next few days, I never did leave my bed.
This happened overnight. The day before this happened, I was home doing some writing and chatting with my friends at our weekly book club meeting. I did notice my right knee felt a little stiff but no pain. And because of my scoliosis and the fact that I had a desk job, I was used to mild discomfort in my low back. But I worked for a chiropractor and he and the therapists had helped to dissolve pain and discomfort quickly.
Weeks of doctor appointments and multiple tests concluded that I had rheumatoid arthritis. What caused this seemingly sudden onset, I asked. After lots of doctor talk and hours googling I realized it came down to stress.
For me, connecting the dots between arthritis and stress became my wake up call. This condition, arthritis, could have been prevented if I’d been more aware of what was happening, specifically at my job, my commute on the busy highways in my city, my boss’s stress, the stress of my job as an officer manager, the ensuing stress of those who worked in the office, and how I was handling the stress that surrounded me.
Putting Everything Before My Needs
But I was in denial. I’d convinced myself that I was handling the stress. I played it down, I saw stress as a weakness. Who was I to complain about a little stress? After all, I live in a nice home surrounded by a loving, supportive family, friends and community.
I did yoga three times a week, meditated daily and enjoyed endless opportunities to walk along the seashore and sit on the beach. Life was good. Work was stressed, but I was handling it. I was good. The good I was enjoying allowed me to ignore and even deny my stress.
What I was really denying was myself. I kept putting the job before my needs. I’d set boundaries and allow others to cross those boundaries as if they didn’t exist. I put being a good little worker-bee above my own needs, especially my physical and emotional needs. And it backfired.
Wow, what a bonfire! And I survived the singe, the onslaught of life lessons that still affect me.
One Year Later…
Today is the one year anniversary of the beginning of this life changing event. Writing this is my way of acknowledging and celebrating all that I’ve been through and most especially, where I’ve landed: square on my own two feet!
Yes, there has been loss and it hasn’t always been easy, but looking back, I don’t regret anything. I’ve learned so much about myself and what I can endure and most importantly, what my priorities are. It has been so empowering to identify my strengths and find the support to hone those strengths.
After all, I am woman, hear me roar!
The Stamina of the Elk
I drew a medicine card and received the card of Elk in reverse. The story goes a little like this: It was mating season and Elk was wandering through the forest looking for his mate when Mountain Lion spotted him. Mountain Lion saw Elk as his next meal and began to get closer to his prey. Elk ran at a steady pace, heading up the mountain. Mountain Lion ran fast, very fast and hard, he didn’t pace himself. Soon he became exhausted and fell behind and finally was forced to give up. Elk ran but at a pace he knew he could maintain so he easily outran Mountain Lion.
The teaching here is simple but profound: by pacing yourself you increase your stamina.
Elk medicine people may not be the first ones to arrive at a goal, but they always arrive without getting burned out.
Jamie Sams and David Carson
Be Mindful of Stress
When the card is in reverse, as mine was, it cautions us to be mindful of our stress or we could cause illness which will force us to rest.
Every breath we take, every step we make, can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity. We need only to be awake, alive in the present moment.
Thich Nhat Hanh
Every event, every day, every moment is an opportunity to start new, fresh, and embrace what we have. Yes, there are difficulties and challenges and sometimes we need support. But you are worth this effort, the time it takes to renew and strengthen yourself. And the truth is, my beautiful dear friends, the world needs you just the way you are.
A Simple Practice: Bringing Awareness and Acceptance Into Our Life
- Breath-work: Two of my favorite methods routines
- —Inhale to the count of four, hold for one count and exhale to the count of eight
- —Inhale deeply and slowly from the bottom of your spine, imagine the breath moving up to the top of your head, hold (notice the tension) and when you exhale, blow it out hard
- Body awareness meditation: A technique that helps me to know when my nervous system and emotional body are out of balance (Audio of my guided body awareness meditation: https://www.leebyrdmystic.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Body-Awareness-20221216.mp3)
- Walking: Doing a slow meditative walk in nature, noticing the trees, birds, breeze, whatever is around–this also brings me into presence
- Journaling: An excellent way to inquire into what is going on for me emotionally (Self-Inquiry Journaling: https://www.leebyrdmystic.com/self-inquiry-journaling/)
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