Here’s the irony: I love to meditate and do gentle movements, practice breathwork, and journal deep-heart thoughts and feelings. I love to write, read, and help others. But I almost always find some level of resistance to each of these activities. I’m not entirely sure why; I’m still working on that one. I know it has much to do with all the old, not-good-enough programming I’m schlepping around.
My habit before settling into meditation is to make a to-do list. This helps me let go while sitting quietly. Heaven forbid I forget to do something! YIKES! Today, I wanted to do some research, take care of a few emails that needed my attention, and practice movement and journal writing. I added these to my list.
The list helps me settle into silence but does nothing for my old friend, resistance. My mind yaps a million miles a minute. Concentrating on my breath moves my awareness away from the endless, nagging mind and back to my body and the present moment. Slowly, I let go, placing resistance on the shelf. The resistance is still there but doesn’t have the power to drag me down.
When I find myself in times of trouble
Paul McCartney
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
Letting go, letting it be, doesn’t mean we don’t care; it means we stop clinging. We detach. Letting go is vital if we want to live fully in the present moment.
We are not capable of change until we relax and allow ourselves to feel what we feel without judgment or condemnation. Only from this place of nonattachment can we enjoy the true beauty that life offers, even within its challenges.
Suffering
The resistance to the unpleasant situation is the root of suffering.
Ram Dass
Suffering is not caused by our desires or any other emotional pain or hardship. Suffering is the result of our expectations regarding the pain or the desire. Suffering is relieved when we stop, get quiet, and become aware of and release our expectations.
Letting go of our expectations happens through acceptance. Expectations hold us prisoner by creating fear that things may not go our way. Having these expectations is an open invitation for frustration and anger. Releasing expectations brings peace.
We humans have a choice: we can cling to our need to control our external world through impossible expectations or relax and let it be. These are true words of wisdom.
Resisting What Is
A good friend of mine, let’s call her Patsy, has company coming over the weekend. She’s excited to see and be with these folks, but she is also uncomfortable. One of the women, we’ll call her Marie, is always very quiet and often unresponsive, which is puzzling and uncomfortable for Patsy. Naturally, Patsy wants to get to the root of the issue and fix it.
“Maybe I did or said something that upset her?” Patsy questions.
“Did you?” I ask gently.
“Not that I remember,” my friend answered sincerely.
I’ve known Patsy for many years. She’s an honest, gentle woman who will stand up for herself when needed without being harsh or cruel. She is always willing to own her feelings and take responsibility for her words or actions when necessary. She wants to make her guests feel welcomed and at home. She also wants to be at ease around Marie and to let go of worrying that Marie’s standoffishness isn’t because of anything Patsy has done.
How Another Person Feels Is None of My Business
Patsy is struggling. Struggling is part of suffering because it results from her expectations and need to make things go her way, resisting what is. She wants Marie to engage and feel at ease. She is resisting the fact that Marie’s involvement in their relationship is out of Patsy’s control. How Marie feels about her, or anything else, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with Patsy.
Let me repeat that in case you didn’t get it: how another person feels has absolutely nothing to do with you, me, or anyone except that person. And to think Patsy can change Marie is a setup for frustration and disappointment.
We are the creators of our lives. We can choose whether or not to give into our fear, frustration, or resistance. Emotions don’t have to be avoided or resisted. Allowing the emotions to be here without judgment will often result in them subsiding. In the simple act of acknowledging and accepting our emotions’ existence, we free ourselves from their chains and can live in peace and harmony within ourselves and with others.
What do you resist? Can you just let go?
Let it be
~Paul McCartney
Noticing Resistance: A Simple Practice
Always start by placing yourself in a safe space with little or no distractions. Have water, your journal, and your pen nearby. Mindfulness is the key to any practice, so take your time.
- Mindful Movements such as yoga (I love doing a few rounds of sun salutations), simple stretches, or a gentle walk in nature.
- Breath-work : An easy exercise is to inhale to the count of four, hold for one or two counts, and exhale slowly. I suggest at least three rounds or more.
- Body-awareness meditation: Sit with your back straight but not rigid, scan your physical body, and notice the sensations . Notice where there is tightness and holding, but also notice where there is ease and spaciousness.
- Self-Inquiry Journaling: Did you notice any resistance? Ask yourself:
- What am I resisting?
- Why?
- Is this resistance Okay? If not, why?
Make this your practice; massage it to fit you and your lifestyle.