Riding the path to nowhere!
At one time or another, as kids, we all told our parents we had a tummy ache so we could stay home from school. If I am ill, I have a reason to cancel plans. But if I feel fine and say I’m sick just to get out of something, I’m making an excuse.
Let’s take a moment to differentiate between an excuse and a reason for not doing something. An excuse is avoidance, pure and simple. A reason is relating a truth about why something didn’t or can’t get done.
Excuses invite moments of nothingness. In Western culture, doing nothing can make us feel less competent and inadequate.
Reasons are natural and usually factual. Excuses, on the other hand, are not. They are an indication of avoidance. So, what is it we want to avoid?
Just Take the Damn Bus!
I don’t drive. I sold my car almost two years ago because, at the time, my health severely limited my mobility and energy. Owning an auto made no sense.
Friends were concerned about my inability to come and go as I wished and suggested I take the bus. It has always been a good idea since there’s a bus stop in front of my home, making it an obvious solution.
But I found myself resisting and making excuses as to why that wouldn’t work: the schedules and fees were wonky, the website was challenging to figure out, and from what I could see, it would take 90 minutes to get across town—a 25-minute drive. How can that make any sense?
I passionately argued for my limitations every time anyone asked me why I didn’t just take the damn bus!
My friends have cars and seem dismayed by my lack of enthusiasm when it came to taking the bus. But the truth is, I just don’t want to and I was reluctant to say that out loud.
So, I’m stuck here with my excuses. What the heck is really going on?
The heart has its reasons but the mind makes the excuses.
Amit Abraham
I Don’t Want To
Travel by bus isn’t a big deal. My not wanting to do so isn’t a big deal. What is a big deal is that I am more comfortable with my lame excuses than just speaking the truth out loud: “I don’t want to,” which is a complete sentence and does not need an explanation.
It’s like saying, do you prefer chocolate or vanilla ice cream? Well, chocolate, of course. No need to defend that choice. I happen to love chocolate more than vanilla. I happen to not want to take the bus. End of conversation.
The why isn’t about whether it is best to take the bus vs. Uber. The why is my discomfort in disclosing that I don’t want to take the bus. Why does that make me so uncomfortable to say out loud?
This is the nitty-gritty of the matter. Old patterning arises and paralyzes me, keeping me from speaking up for myself.
Your excuses are just the lies your fears have sold you.
Robin Sharma
As a kid, saying, “I don’t want to do that,” was never okay. Even thinking that felt like I’d be punished. As a kid, I felt powerless to set boundaries for myself. Saying I didn’t want to mow the lawn or do the dishes didn’t get me out of the chore. It got me in hot water. Telling the adult who forced himself on me sexually that I didn’t want him to do that resulted in threats that I’d die and so would my mom.
No. As a kid, it was never safe to say, I don’t want to do that. But now it is.
Honoring and Trusting Myself
Now that I’m an adult, I can and do permit myself to say just that. It’s not about taking the bus; it’s about honoring and trusting myself, even when my choices don’t make sense to others. It’s about recognizing that if I don’t want to take the bus, it is up to me to find alternative ways to get around.
As we author the stories of our lives, let’s choose courage over comfort, action over inertia, and transformation over stagnation. Here’s to building bridges to our aspirations, not monuments of nothingness.
SuccessMinded.co
Being responsible for ourselves means owning our choices; it is authentic and empowering. Excuses ultimately victimize us, leaving us feeling incompetent and inadequate.
When we find the courage to move out of our comfort zone and embrace our own accountability, we step into a whole new world of choice-making. Rather than an excuse, stating the very personal reason, “I don’t want to…” offers us a whole new power, a whole new way to be accountable to ourselves and others. Are you ready?