Or the result of some good fortune?
Many believe that happiness is the result of some good fortune or circumstance in life, such as a new car, marriage, or finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow—something occurring outside ourselves. But what if you knew that happiness is always here within and always available?
Happiness and joy are our true nature; they are who we are at the core of our being. So, no, we don’t choose happiness. We are the happiness we seek. The sense of happiness and joy is already within, always available. We simply need to take the time to recognize and embrace this truth and settle into our innate sense of happiness.
Waiting for an external event to happen sets us up for suffering, disempowering us, creating a dependency on things we may be unable to control. Our innate joy then becomes the ever-elusive rainbow. The harder we try to find that pot of gold, the further away it becomes—especially if others impose their ideas about happiness on us.
A few days after my mom died, a man I knew commented that she was in a better place. The words confused me. What did he mean? Was I supposed to be relieved, even happy that she died? True, her death brought an end to her physical suffering. But her death left me devastated, struggling to find my balance within this tidal wave of unfamiliar emotions. I felt skinless.
The spiritual path wrecks the body and afterward restores it to health. It destroys the house to unearth the treasure, and with that treasure, it builds it better than before.
Rumi
Happiness, relief, joy, none of these emotions were even on the horizon. I was drowning in a sea of pain and despair. The mere thought that I should feel happy made me feel like a failure, an imposter. Who was I to feel this loss when I should be happy for my mother?
His words stung like he was accusing me of doing something wrong. Though likely well intended, the comment felt abrasive and unkind; his words negated my feelings.
My mom died from emphysema. Breathing had become difficult and painful. So, yes, she moved on to a better place. And the fact that she no longer suffered physical pain is undoubtedly a reason to celebrate, to be happy. But in those first several months just after her death, all I could feel was my grief, the normal process of profound loss
In this process, I learned that happiness is my true nature, which gave me the strength to be fully present with and embrace my grief. Yes, I had to slog through the emotional muck—but in the end, I found peace.
I miss my mom every day, and sometimes, seeing a photo of her or hearing a song she loved brings tears. My tears are a mix of the joy of having been part of her life and the grief of recognizing she’s gone. And it’s all okay. I have found acceptance and a gentle kind of happiness in my life.
Happiness does not mean the absence of difficult emotions. Happiness is hope, a light at the end of a sometimes very dark tunnel.
Happiness is knowing that we are not prisoners of our challenging emotions. This awareness is the foundation we need to meet difficult emotions and find a path to free ourselves from that pain. To find acceptance.
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. ~Dalai Lama
Dalai Lama